Constitution Club

live Report From Hostage Crisis In Rochester NH!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized by hairybeast on November 30th, 2007

The Beast lives in Rochester, NH but was at work in Somersworth (nearby). The police had the entire town locked down. The following is a blow-by-blow description of his involvement in the crisis.

2:00 p.m. Words spreads across work that Rochester NH is “closed”. The Beast asks what “Closed” means. He is told that all access routes to his hometown are blocked off by police due to hostage crisis at Hilary Clinton headquarters. Lunatic divorcee on a 72 hour binge has strapped road flares across his chest and closed the downtown area.

4:30 p.m. - Unable to get to his home in Rochester, the Beast decides to drive to neighboring town and cash his paycheck, since access to his home is impossible. he stops at “Barley Pub”in said town to have a beer and regroup. Orders Unibroue trappist ale: “Maudite” on tap.

5:15 p.m. Beast orders “Dogfish Head 90 Minute Ale” - also on tap.

6:00 p.m. Beast switches to “Snowplow Stout”, made especially for proprietor. Informs owner of bar “I think this beer sucks”. Owner thanks him for his “Honesty”".

7:30 p.m. Beast orders Smuttynose vintage Barley Wine 04. It also sucks.

8:15 - Beast meets Hot Blonde. Switches to Chilean Cabernet.

8:30 - Beast talks writing and art with hot blonde. More Cabernet.

8:45 - Ibid.

9:00 - Ibid

9:15 - Blonde hits bathroom, Beast has cigarette. Tells gay guy to take a hike.

10:00 - Blonde buys round, Beast orders Pabst Blue Ribbon.

10:30 - Ibid.

11:00 - Crisis must be over by now, beast makes it home somehow. Doesn’t get blonde’s number but tells her to google keywords for Constitution Club.

11:30 - Call me, honey!

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10 Responses to 'live Report From Hostage Crisis In Rochester NH!!!!'

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  1. E the Wise said, on November 30th, 2007 at 11:17 pm

    That is goddam hilarious!!!!!!!! The Beast is hereby nominated for tomorrows edition of Saturday Night Souse!

  2. pgwarner said, on December 2nd, 2007 at 3:27 pm

    Did she call?

  3. hairybeast said, on December 2nd, 2007 at 3:49 pm

    Nope.

  4. ME IN 08 said, on December 2nd, 2007 at 3:57 pm

    Dogfish Head makes a great beer you’ve got good taste. Good luck with the blonde.

    PG I’m pressed for time right now but I’ll get back to our other discussion.

  5. pgwarner said, on December 2nd, 2007 at 4:25 pm

    Gird your loins and pack your lunch ME!

  6. Andre the Defiant said, on December 2nd, 2007 at 10:19 pm

    “Blonde hits bathroom, Beast has cigarette. Tells gay guy to take a hike.”

    Sheesh. I miss all the good stuff when I am busy working and uh… not “taking a hike”. :)

    Great post!

  7. ME IN 08 said, on December 3rd, 2007 at 10:59 am

    This is great

    http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/12/03/clinton.office/index.html

    CNN managed to turn this into a campaign issue. You knew that was going to happen.

  8. Dave the Infidel Sage said, on December 8th, 2007 at 1:23 pm

    Me thinks that the Beast made a fatal error. After that much ‘bonding’ with a blonde, one should always ask her for her number and when she might be able to get together to discuss ‘writing and art’ again. It’s always a good sign when they buy you a round as well.

  9. DFV the Scribe said, on December 9th, 2007 at 12:12 am

    Chilean Cabernet; good choice. Chilean reds are probably my favorite. I like their Carmeneres, too.

  10. E’s 2008 Predictions « Constitution Club said, on January 4th, 2008 at 1:18 pm

    [...] Beast will continue to dazzle us with his stories from New England and in a strange twist of fate, will meet up with that blonde girl again.  Wedding plans will be made early next [...]

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